Today (well I guess it's technically 'yesterday') being April 16th, it made me quite depressed in a few ways. I did not step out of my room or eat the entire day. Just laid in my bed, gazing at the ceiling. Now, before I go any further, I would like to make it clear that I do not intend to offend anyone with what I have to say next.
For those that do not know, I was born in South Korea, but I was raised in Czech Republic since four. I first came to the U.S. during middle school, did some more moving back and forth between continents, and then finally ended up here at Virginia Tech. So whenever I get that "Where are you from?" question, I get very frustrated. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't really know what I am. I never had a sense of belonging, so I was really excited to call Virginia Tech my new home - a place I would tell when people asked where I was from.
But in all honesty, even after being at Virginia Tech for 2 years, I still don't like this place. Freshman year was quite miserable, where I was constantly struggling to find the right group of friends and more importantly finding who I was as an individual. Because of my skin color, I felt like I had to choose between who I wanted to be: the Korean American, the international student, or the Asian kid who thinks he's white. Then I got into the architecture program later and met some great people through Summer Studio.
This is extreme generalization, but I feel like people in the arts/design field tend to be a little more open minded. In design school, I was able to find identity in design rather than my ethnicity or culture. I think that's a big reason why my Sophomore year at Tech is going significantly better. Yet for some reason, I still have this big gap inside that I don't know how to fill it with. And especially today, after seeing everyone's Facebook status and tweets about how proud they were to be a Hokie, or how much they love Virginia Tech, I felt really bad about myself that I didn't have the same feelings for my school.
Does anyone else feel this way?